A Moshkovich

The word Moshkovich is not one of endearment but a neologistic nightmare. It is a word that is used to describe a person (male or female) who is not particularly attractive. Brent created the word three years ago and it has stuck. Essentially he said that I had the physical characteristics of his ninety-year-old grandmother, Ellen Moshkovich. The noun Moshkovich can also be used as an adjective. One might say that a person is Moshkovichean in nature if that person is born with looks that are perhaps questionable in nature or maybe a tad bit freakish. A person may be out of shape, have gross hair, or might be put together sloppily, as if the person in question did not let himself or herself go recently but had done so years ago right out of the womb. It had been predestined and written in the DNA. There is no escape because the eternal course keeps giving if there is a push for reproduction in the Moshkovichean scheme.

A Moshkovich's life is not easy. Because the person is not born beautiful but may carry around simian features for years to come, a Moshkovich might turn to pills or alcohol to ease the pain. These are not answers but only exacerbate the Moshkovich's empty feelings. The Moshkovich is asked to stop hiding and must show his or her ugliness to the world. Ugly is the new beautiful...just as 80 is the new 60. Embrace it, mother fuckers.

Many women dismiss men if their looks are Moshkovichean in nature or perhaps just semi-Moshkovichean. Men do the same thing today. A person's character is judged by their physical appearance. If a person has more Moshkovichean traits than deemed acceptable, the validity of the character is immediately attacked.

A Moshkovich will have trouble attracting the opposite sex. Internet dating is an option but is in no way a solution to the problem of solitude; clicking away to find a sweetheart merely acts a small balm. This is not to say that a Moshkovich can't be successful in other areas of life. A Moshkovich may hold down a mediocre job for twenty years and then realize that they are old as fuck. A Moshkovich might be sleeping alone for a large part of his or her life. Though the outlook is gloomy or morbid, consider it practice for the final resting place inside the coffin. It only takes one to tango inside that box, and it doesn't matter at all that the person lived a life as a full-fledged Moshkovich. No one is looking. Finally.